Mind is a muscle
I often hear the idea that who we are, how we cope, and how our minds work are fixed from day one: "That's just how I'm wired," or "I'm simply not a calm person." When we hit an emotional wall or struggle with a habit, it's easy to assume that change is pointless.
At the other extreme lies the hustle myth: anyone can become anything if they just grind hard enough.
I prefer the middle ground:
- We have real boundaries. We do not all start from the same baseline. Neurodivergence, chronic illness, and biology all shape how we navigate the world. Acknowledging that is not giving up; it is showing ourselves basic respect.
- Our brains are adaptable. The mind changes in response to how we use it, what we feed it, and how kindly we treat it. A growth mindset is not about ignoring limits. It is about discovering what you can gently nurture and practise within the life you have.
Like a muscle, the mind grows stronger through deliberate use:
Treat everyday changes as small experiments
When we believe our abilities are set in stone, any setback feels like a personal verdict (all-or-nothing thinking) on our worth. A growth mindset turns failure into data. Instead of overhauling your life on a Monday morning, run a two-minute test. Try a habit for three days, see what happens, and stay curious. (I share several of these frameworks in Practising CBT and my fruit experiment).
Let action come before motivation
Waiting until you feel ready before taking a walk, clearing a desk, or writing a tricky email means waiting forever. In behavioural activation, we flip the order: move your body first, and let feelings catch up. Even a tiny step breaks the spell of inertia.
Put some distance between you and your thoughts
You are not everything your head tells you on a stressful Tuesday afternoon. When self-critical thoughts or gloomy "what ifs" get loud, grab a pen and write them down. Seeing words outside your own head creates breathing room. You can respond with kindness rather than panic.
Treat rest as part of the workout
Muscles don't grow while you lift weights; they repair and grow while you sleep, eat, and rest afterwards. The mind works the same way. Recovery is not a reward you have to earn after exhausting yourself. It's the fuel that keeps you going.
Borrow the curiosity of a ten-year-old
When things feel heavy, adults tend to tighten their grip and worry. Swap self-criticism for play. Approach your reactions with warm curiosity: "Isn't it interesting that I felt that way?" You will always learn more from gentle curiosity than from scolding yourself.